it's hard for me to give this a title

i never really experienced falling deeply in love with someone. well, i mean, to the extent that i would be giving everything and i wonder how that feels.. mmmp..
as of this moment, i read love stories and i do feel this envy, and this emptiness.. knowing that these stories never happened to me.. i feel like crying right now, i dunno why.. maybe, i must have taken by these stories.. in a way that i can compare the leading ladies' lives to mine..

emptiness.. wow..great word.. i feel i'm alone.. is that really the bad effect of reading love stories? it feels like i want to steal my heart away from my body and touch it slowly..trying to heal this emptiness i feel.. consoling it.. maybe in that way, by the time i'll return it to its place in my chest, it won't be hurting anymore..it won't be feeling painful anymore.

i got no words right now that would at least probably lessen the pain in my chest.. you know what, i try to be fallen in love with a guy.. u don't know how much i do..but then, i always fail.. i always feel this thing they call infatuation and end as a loser..

sometimes, i want to enter into a vague relationship just to feel love.. actually not love, i just want to be hurt because of love. yep.. and whoa.. i'll do everything for that.. oh men.. i feel numb right now.. i feel so helpless.. tsk3..

complicated noh..?
bear with my unstable emotions..