neglection

i still can't believe i feel this..
why does it have to be like this?
why is loving always accompanied with hurting?
why can't i just stay numb..forever..

..

this hurts me so much..
and i can not take it, i swear..
but i'm trying..
i just can not stay shut and ignore every pain..
i just can not stay at the corner and cry..
but, it's what happening now..


..

tell me..
do i really have the right to feel this?
i guess not..
i hate being jealous.. it is the last thing i want to do..
i hate being hurt..


..
i can move on, i know..

exhaustion..

what had happened this day was so exhausting. first thing's first.

morning. it's Tuesday..so, no flag ceremony. i woke up like, 5:30 am. i was really worried of the requirements for the DOST exam..well, i am very persevered to take the examination and pass it..u know why? because that's the only way I can study at Davao. I really want there. because I want to be like, an independent one. Experience how to feel being away from my strict mother. i was really really worried that I may not be able to submit and complete the requirements. Hate it..
It was our on-duty day. All of us is required to wear our complete GSP Uniform. But, I didn't because I was going to take the Junior Officials examination. I don't expect to pass. The exam was horrible..!
To take the exam is to go to city hall. Tiresome. But, we still had to fix our application letters. we invented our own letters with all the formal greetings and such. we were in hurry because Sir Ronnie said we were already late. It was so hard. The keyboard of the computer was so hard-to-press. I hated it.. And one more thing, the printer was so, shit, out of the timing! It was so, so, slow! grrr.. It is a classic type! I was really, really mad and there was something wrong with my application letter..not one but two! grrr,.! it is so hard remembering how mad i was..
waah..bout the exam.. really.. i hate it..don't want to talk bout it..
a procession was held at 1:30pm..we walked around the San Isidro. you don't know how far it is. as in..very far,. we ended up 4pm, i guess. owh.. see how many hours we walked? hahah.. when we're done, my knees were so heavy as heavy as stones! i couldn't carry them anymore..

that's all for now.. it is already 10pm. and gotta sleep! bye..

just a nonsense first post..

graduation day is just a kiss away..sad to know, in that matter of time, i wouldn't be spending my whole day time sitting in that caramel brown arm chair. it is indeed a different event wherein for sure, i would be shedding drums of tears. sad to know, sad to say..

but.. am i really prepared for college? yes, i've planned what course i'll take..yes, i've taken lists of entrance exams..yes, i am already 16 years old..expectedly, to have that age, i am already prepared..that is what everyone's expecting.. but..again..

i asked myself.. am i really prepared?


i'm really scared..
scared..
scared..
and scared of whatever will happen and won't happen..

wish me the best luck!