twilight..

the movie was too far from what i've imagined edward was, in the book..and it was like, i couldn't feel his love for bella unlike in the book.. i was really disappointed of the movie.. i might have been expecting too much..and i just thought maybe, they had to make the movie in a hurry because of the changed showing schedule, because of that..the movie didn't turn out well. it felt like the movie is fast, the events.. everything about it.. and i'm impatiently waiting for the new moon.. i hope they'd make it better than twilight..


wait for my complete post bout twilight.

it's hard for me to give this a title

i never really experienced falling deeply in love with someone. well, i mean, to the extent that i would be giving everything and i wonder how that feels.. mmmp..
as of this moment, i read love stories and i do feel this envy, and this emptiness.. knowing that these stories never happened to me.. i feel like crying right now, i dunno why.. maybe, i must have taken by these stories.. in a way that i can compare the leading ladies' lives to mine..

emptiness.. wow..great word.. i feel i'm alone.. is that really the bad effect of reading love stories? it feels like i want to steal my heart away from my body and touch it slowly..trying to heal this emptiness i feel.. consoling it.. maybe in that way, by the time i'll return it to its place in my chest, it won't be hurting anymore..it won't be feeling painful anymore.

i got no words right now that would at least probably lessen the pain in my chest.. you know what, i try to be fallen in love with a guy.. u don't know how much i do..but then, i always fail.. i always feel this thing they call infatuation and end as a loser..

sometimes, i want to enter into a vague relationship just to feel love.. actually not love, i just want to be hurt because of love. yep.. and whoa.. i'll do everything for that.. oh men.. i feel numb right now.. i feel so helpless.. tsk3..

complicated noh..?
bear with my unstable emotions..

someone who's real

i miss being there..
cloud9.. as what they call it..
i miss falling in love..
and i wonder how am i gonna grab
someone who's real

i've always been infatuated
with someone who's not even existing
i always get head over heels
and it's quite bothering how i need
someone who's real

indeed i know how love feels
i'm not actually numb
yes i know it's not normal
but who i really want to be beside me
is someone who's real

edward cullen, crisostomo ibarra
i get crazy over these lads
i feel hopeless and i feel
the need of falling in love
with someone who's real

Great Orientation

Nov 14, 2008.. was the 4th time i went to city hall for Junior officials purposes. It was our orientation day.. We had speakers, to orient us of course. of how Gensan City hall works, the accountability, effective public speaking and lastly, we were taught bout the parliamentary procedure..it was fun..
I liked the public speaking part.. Hon. Ramon Melliza was our speaker.. He wasn't really that good in pronuncing words but he is definitely a good speaker.. he got my eyes stared straight at him and my mouth shut.. I will never forget what he told us bout Carlos P. Romulo..
Carlos P. Romulo was a short man.. very short that one time he needed to speak in front of a crowd but the rostrum was a lot taller than him..he told his secretary to get him something to lift him up, she took the thickest dictionary of the place.. and Carlos did get taller than the rostrum.
But, don't be deceived.. He was a great speaker.. One time, there was a debate and his opponent was a *big* Russian man.. The Russian told him.."If u won't stop..I'll swallow you" Scary huh.. But then, Carlos wasn't frightened yet he told the man.." If you would swallow me.. You would have more brain in your stomach than in your head.." oh.. what can you say? Great huh..?
After that, Carlos was elected as the president of UN.. He was the first Filipino who got that achievement..
Everytime he spoke to a crowd, they would always stop what they were doing and lend their ears to Carlos.

Hon. Melliza gave us some tips in public speaking..
*mastery of the topic
*consistence of the subject
*injecting jokes
*decency in words and actions
*and most importantly, sincerity..

I learned a lot from our orientation..and in the afternoon, we got into the session hall.. I felt that I was a bonafide official already..haha..
At the end of the day, i became the counterpart of Hon. Jose Orlando Acharon.. Nice..
And we'll be having our launching and oath taking this Monday at Gensan Oval Court.. with Mayor Acharon.. Oh.. Can't wait for the Mangrove planting next week!

Defy or Defend

i have an article here bout that "same-sex relationship".. This seems to be the "hot" topic of the town.. i just heard bout that celebrity who went to America to marry "his" boyfriend.. I watched one episode of Oprah where transgender was featured.. I saw how an anatomically boy turned to a girl. The same way with that girl who, when turned 16..got her breasts cut out, turned to a boy.
My mean in writing this article is not to hurt anyone who is involved in this issue, yet, try to hear each and everyone's comments bout such thing.
I see how rampant this kind of thing is.. I mean no purpose of discrimination.. I mean no point of impartiality.. This case seems to be so sensitive.. I hope to hear your views..

I obtained some lines from a religious magazine..

"The Church clearly distinguishes between homosexual orientation and homosexual behavior. While the homosexual orientation cannot be held against the person who experiences it, the homosexual behavior is considered intrinsically wrong.."
"Does homosexual behavior have a Biblical basis or justification? Absolutely none! Only those who have not read the Bible can dare to claim that God approves of, or is indifferent, to such sexual behavior. "
"The Bible says that the Lord God created the human beings "male and female" both in view of procreation and also for mutual help and companionship."

However some say, they're just expressing their love.. and loving was never wrong..

Why do some persons tend to fall in love with their same sex? Maybe, in some ways..they could feel their importance because of them. It could be that they feel more comfortable with them than being with their opposite sex.. Maybe, they had have enough of loving their opposite sex.. Or maybe, they were influenced by their friends..
Social Influence can be a great factor..

I need some opinions about this.
I mean, say something not just in a religious way, rather in your own way.. in your own view.. just as long as you say whatever you think..

Opinon:
For me, I was a victim of this thing. But, I never let it get the best of me.. What I felt was just a mere infatuation and I tried my very best to move on and forget what I felt.. I was greatly influenced by my friends .. I argued with each person who defied what I felt for my same sex.. I was involved and I really regret what happened.. However, it taught me a lot.. So, for me.. that feeling is just not permanent..

when i reached teenage,. or when the time i assumed my personality details.. i always thought i was a kind of a girl who rarely fears anything..
but then, when i watch horror movies..i get shaking knees..
when i reached teenage..i always thought, i was numb or stone-hearted..
but then, when i see beggars..i get torn-hearted..
when i reached teenage.. i always thought, i was insensitive..
but then, i get teary eyes each time my mother nags me..

sometimes.. in life.. your perspective can be wrong.. things you think what they are.. persons you think who they are.. may not what they really are.. even ourselves.. we can't maybe define our own selves..
time will come.. we wouldn't recognize our own image and personality.. the changes.. the improvements..
jumping to a conclusion without really assuring each single detail of who we are or what things are, but getting to the end of being discouraged of how things change seems disappointing.. in a sense that, we really do not know ourselves.

things are not what they seem to be..

experience taught me

sept 12-14 were the days of agony..
agony which led to lessons..
lessons of what does life exactly mean..

during those days..i felt so disciplined.. i was very aware of time.. of everything we do, actually..

we had our GSP camping.. indeed, it was fun.. it was amazing.. but it was tiresome! super.. the moment i knew it was the last day, i wanted to run away and sleep.. i was impatiently waiting for that day to come..
speaking of sleep, i haven't had enough sleep during the camping.. i couldn't.. first, inside our tent, it was so crowded that i couldn't move well. so hard, imagine..we were 4 in a tent.. and plus our baggage? it was not spacious.. and during daytime.. very hot! who could sleep with a burning tent? nighttime is inversely proportional to daytime.. cold versus hot.. very opposite..

i can't really remember the sequence of the events of our camping but i'll just give the highlights..
uhm, we had a game.. actually, i shouldn't have joined there if i knew something harder was coming..
we jumped..we crawled..we ran..we duck-walked..haha..etc.. we got naked..(i wasn't..i just took off my shoes, and accesories..) i thought we wouldn't win..we were such losers.. but, one time..when we did the duck walk..we thought we were left behind.. the trainor whispered to us saying we were the first placer,( i got stunned).. not because we were fast but because we were following instructions.. wow! salute..! hehe

2nd day's night was so terrible.. i was on my socks and i changed clothes.. i was supposed to go to sleep already when we heard Sir Sapues's whistle.. we ran and ran to the highest speed..we formed a line.. we were told to get our neckerchief.. i realized i was on my slippers, so i ran back to our tent to get my rubber shoes..at that time, i knew we would be doing a hard task.. but, i got punished when i went back to the line formation.. they said, i got no complete items.. i did pumping..waa..! we were many..it was better than squat, u know..
i got shaking and tired knees because of that sucking game.. pumping was really better..BETTER than sitting in the air..

guess what we did.. comando crawl..it was so hard.. my elbows were hurting so bad..because of those stones..i got so many wounds.. i wanted to give up but i had to pursue it for our patrol..oh, i forgot to tell you..our patrol's name is sabertooth! hehe..

3rd day was a relief..
last day..
we had our campfire and etc...
we danced, we sung, we acted.. we weren't expecting to be the first contestant..and we were caught unprepared..sucks! aliely was funny there...haha..
oh wait.. my patrolmates are..
Anjelica Madria..
Aliely May Alvaira..
Karen Joy Jardenil..
Christine Jessa Javier..
Lojeen Monib..
Jamie Villamor..
Nourah Angela Mesa..
Fatima Lorica..
i hope i can have their pictures posted here.. but then, unfortunately, i have no pictures of theirs..sigh..

by the time i got home.. i slept then..

oh damn.. we waited for how many fridays just to hear the awarding..
i wondered how many awards would we get.. i wasn't expecting any but they said we were the champion, that was why i wanted to know already.. because they were bugging and congratulating us and we had no idea what the hell were they talkin' bout..or how did they get that idea leading them to conclude or, assume rather that we were the champion.. as far as i could remember, we were not that active..uhm.


then...the day came..November 7, 2008.. Scouting time..
oh, surely..i was excited for the awarding yet i didn't know why was i feeling several butterflies in my stomach.. we got awards.. First call,..2nd call..and etc.. we got ribbons of different colors.. green=10 pts., yellow=15 pts., and i was wondering how we got it; red=20 pts or the first placers.. my mouth was hanging open when I knew we got 2nd place in the comando crawl category.. "hUh?" flooded in our patrol.. like, "atik? tama akung pagkadungog?" yes.. i was even in a confusion of if what i heard was right or wrong..or maybe, what i heard was just a hallucination or whatever you call it.. but, everything i heard was what Sir has said..and at the end of the day, we were awarded or *ribboned(hAha..I invented my own word..) as the C-H-A-M-P-I-O-N!! whoaaaa..
i couldn't believe it.. i was supposed to collapse..joke rah..exaggeration pud..


i remember, when we did the Comando crawl, i felt that "is this the end of the world?". it was hard.. it was pretty hard.. we were crawling on a rocky road.. painful for my elbows.. i was thinking when would it stop.. or, when would the trainors stop that agony..it pained me everytime i would try to move a distance forward, knowing that there was somebody pulling me backward and there were stones which were starting to dig and wound my elbows.. my elbows were the most hurt, really.. we needed to hold on each other's feet so we wouldn't be lost from each other's company.. it was hard trying to balance everything.. i just endured every pain, every wound, every bruise.. just to stand on my word to never ever give up.. another hard part there was when the time, we were showered or watered rather.. eew.. we looked like, plants.. and.. basang sisiw... I startled coz of the temperature.. of the coldness.. it was cold.. as cold as ice.. we were freezing.. all of us.. imagine, that was i think..1 or 2am.. wow.. i can't even take a bath at 4am..how bout that.. harsh.. when we were done with that violent part.. i swear..our underwears were such a heck of mud.. gosh..

well.. it was nice having such experience.. of how do campers camp? haha.. redundant.. and i learned how to make fire.. cook fast.. budget water.. budget food.. i also did appreciate the value of water.. yes.. really.. and i learned to never ever join a camping again..

got 7th ever?

"they don't know how to judge better works..!"
haha..
this was the first thing i thought right after i heard my name mentioned as the 7th placer during DSPC..
like..blah2..whatever..
i was screaming out loud, right after that..LOL.. i even tried to go back while we, my teacher and i, were on our way to the stage.. shockz! that was..uhm..uhm.. a big SAYANG..yuck! it was as if..i really wanted time to go back.. like, a 1-day rewind..i would then, fix my article and make it better.. i would then, not waste any single second of the 1-hour span that was given to us during the contest.. i would then, instead of staring at nowhere, write every significant word i could think..
why do i feel like i want to stand on a cliff and jump?that's exaggeration.. of course, i won't.. revise..revise.
why do i feel so trembled here and want time to go back? because.....
ONLY THE TOP 5 ARTICLES WILL BE JOINING THE RSPC AT KIDAPAWAN THIS DECEMBER 3,4 and 5..
wow! at that very moment i knew i got 7th.. i was screaming to the top of my lungs! not that thing you're thinking.. of course, i didn't do that wearing my brown Notre Damean uniform, risking our own school's name.. i shouted..inside..which only my butt can hear..haha

i was a broken tape..yelling at sir michael..(i didn't have much voice that time.. i needed to shout..) telling him to go to the jurors and ask again and again if were they really serious in saying that they would only get the top 5.. i kept saying that for about how many times already.. indeed, it was a relief to know that sir michael is an ideal person, a kind one.. very supportive.. he didn't mind the things i was uttering at him.. he was just, simply, smiling at me.. as if really to shout.."ok ra nah!"
and another thing i kept bugging was that.. it has been a usual routine that they're going to get the top 7 for the RSPC.. it's so disappointing that by the year i decided to take revenge(harsh..harsh..i mean, give it a try again..), that's the time they decided to take the top 5..and damn, i'm 7th..how bad.. i've been thinking of paying them..and forcing them to change their decision and turn it to top 7..gosh.. i even thought of begging them and kneeling in front of them..everything..i would do.. to satisfy my vanity..ü is it vanity? rather..to escape myself from insanity..? haha.. or just simply my nature? to annoy till death..

actually, the thing i said bout how *ungood(is there such word existing?) were they in judging? never mind that.. they were good..i just didn't give my best.. i got 7th though.. haha.. very proud..my fellow schoolmates did get ranks, too.. a salute to them..whooo! and u know, during the contest.. i wasted about 15 minutes.. reading and reading my newly-made article, then blinking and blinking..then, trying to sleep..can you believe that? no wonder, i lost..haha
the fact is that, i am not really sad nor happy about the results.. but, i just feel glad by the experience.. and i regret how i let those years passed by..those 3 free years.. those years i've let go because of fear of losing.. i nagged myself bout that.. i should have joined DSPC during those years..mMmM? maybe..i might still get the chance to be in the top and be at the RSPC..
gosh..time has passed by..no way to turn it back..

no way..and i'd be having my saliva flowing from my open mouth as i listen to my fellow schoolmates who would be joining that sucking 3-day event..no way, too! i still have my OWN achievements, though..

a great door..

when was that.. that day when i, together with my 6 fellow classmates, took the Junior Officials examination..
last year, i saw how one of my classmates and my other 2 schoolmates rose up to the point of passing the 2 screenings of the Junior Officials and I saw how life-changing JO was..
I felt envious of the need of formal attires each time they would have sessions or meetings in the city hall..
and it was silly to wish to be one of them, too..
i wasn't given the chance to join or to take risks in joining that certain program where each qualified student is able to be in the city hall--experiencing how city officials work in the session hall..since..
uhm, our advisers pointed some selected students and i was not part of them..i was really saddened of how things went out.. enough for that.. actually, the exam was nerve-cracking..ouch! when i took the exam, i was really, really, unconscious of what the hell the words were.. of how the hell were they going to be given meaning.. oh my gosh! i wasn't really expecting to pass..

the next week right after the exam, a letter was sent to our school... telling.. i and my other 2 classmates were able to pass in the JO's first screening.. i was happy of it..i thought that i proved another asset of myself which they questioned before.. which they weren't able to give chance..

october 16 was the date of the 2nd screening.. we went there.. and we were the first ones to arrive.. the heck.. i felt several butterflies in my stomach..gotcha! my number was 8.. whew.. shocks.. then, an ABSCBN reporter was there..
inside the room, 3 judges were there.. and you needed to speak in english.. we used mic of course.. shockz! by the time, i heard my voice introducing myself, i liked it..i liked my voice speaking in english.. i guess it was the power of the microphone..uhmmm??

they asked several questions.. simple, though.. i answered them confidently.. that was my motto at that moment.. JUST ANSWER CONFIDENTLY..
that was it! and yes, i saw myself in the local tv..mMmM? what the.. abscbn does work well hUh?
then..the next thing i knew.. i got to the top 16! ahaha.. nothin'.. it was fun..

wish me the BEST of luck..

i got no talent in writing but i tell you.. i'm NOT giving up..
tomorrow, i'm joining in the Division School's Press Conference(DSPC).. and i'll be competing with the different writers..feature writers specifically, from different schools and universities and like.. it has been uhm, wait.. about 1, 2, 3 years since i joined this kind of competition..and i lost..it seemed bad.. was i traumatized? not really..but, i engraved in my mind that.. I AM A NO GOOD WRITER.. yup! since then, i started not joining DSPC..

i don't remember when was it but, i brought myself into joining the Journalism Training. well, just thought that i should be moving on by that time..one thing more, i needed to balance my academic and non-academic grades.. actually, i am a less fighter in terms of non-academics.. and i felt like i'm left behind already.. fortunately, i got into the top 7 during the training.. we had a mock-dspc..there.. i won.. and it was a great achievement for me.. i became gutsy in joining the DSPC again..
and here i am.. preparing for my event tomorrow..