waiting for you as it hurts more.

at first i thought everything was just a simple crush..oh I guess, i was always wrong..i never thought something as huge as this could actually hit me, but it already did..in my eyes, you are just a childish junior student.. a junior student---a year younger than me..this may sound silly but the first time i laid my eyes on you, i already felt this excitement..and i guess that meant something..i spent a year trying to forget every little thing i felt for you and i really really thought i was gonna be okay without your cousin, since he was just the only person who connected the two of us..and i thought, i forgot you..but never in my life have i wished to feel this again..never..


i feel this love for you..i felt all the excitement, the kilig's, the kiliti's..and how foolish of me to think that we could at least be partners this promenade..oh Gosh..you are such an amazing guy..you are talented, but frankly saying, i am a lot better than you..that thing really makes me feel flattered for i know, there's still something in me that you may and can admire..you were my inspiration..you were the one i considered my clown because you make me feel happy and determined..you were the one i always thought whenever i step on to the gate of our school..oh, com'n! smile at me..these were the words i always wished whenever i take a glance on you..we're not friends..we're not even talking..but i am contented with that..

you cannot even look at me and say hi.. at least, we were once magkakilala, weren't we? and you were once my student, weren't you? i taught you Math right? do you remember? sometimes, i wish that LOVE is like mathematics that is easy to analyze and easy to understand..some think, it's nose bleeding..however, in contrast with that, love is just so complicated..and as you try to dig for an answer, it's hurting more..and as you wait, your heart bleeds..

drafts

well.. i haven't been updating my blogsite for how many weeks already..and surely, i missed this..let's say, i just couldn't find the inspiration to write..check my drafts.. i have lots of unfinished works..

feb 19-21, there was an event in our school..Mini fair.. it's an event which students would learn how to do business and stuffs like that..actually, the highlights were the octopus and the starry wheel..though, the tickets were absolutely expensive..there were other options, anyway.. uhm, zipline and the rappeling.. i tried both..and swear, both were really thrilling.. when i tried the zipline, i really really thought it was the end of my life..*laughs



honestly, i couldn't find the exact word to write. And this one was done last February. I just checked my drafts and boom, i found this unfinished article. And I am gonna finish this.
I am gonna miss the Mini Fair. Totally. Those high school days. Those memories. Maybe, you're already fed up with so much of my aftergraduation blogs. Ahehe. Peace.

waa.. i'm running out of words to say.:)
byebye for now.

hAppy!

i have a new crush..
Hahaha..
super hAppy..
mMmmh..
nOt *daga..

just a defense;no big deal

Philippines is a free country. yah right. but as what Sir Sapues has said, your freedom ends when mine starts. so what does that mean? you may have the right to oppose us but never in an improper way.. i mean, we also do have the right to admire a single thing, whether they mean to you or not.
so what if, we read twilight as often as you don’t?
what if, we scream if edward cullen’s picture is there?
what if, we put our names before “cullen”?
what if we can’t stop blabbering bout twilight?
what if our shoutout is bout twilight?
what if we always read twilight saga?
so what?
what does it do to you? what do we do to you?
nothing.. right? or you're just simply making a big thing from that. so why?
do we bother you? why care?
we all do have different tastes. We may share different opinions regarding a thing.. i may like this, you may not. so what? i have the right to choose what i think is good, and you can not oppose that.. why do you have to criticize the things we like? i mean, why do you bother to bother us of how we admire or appreciate or whatever, a thing?
why would you waste your time?
NO OFFENSE..

mMmf..
so kailangan talaga makialam?
LOL..

memories of yesterday

i’ve always treated them as my very bestfriends. i miss all of them.. i mean, it has been a long time since we hang out. as friends, as classmates or as batchmates. i miss them.

firstly, because they were the only ones who gave me the true meaning of the word bestfriend. though, i was the only girl in the group. they treated me not as a girl but as a friend. they may not think the same way but my elementary life was so memorable because of them.

secondly, they act as if they forgot everything about me. I miss all the teases, the senseless arguments, the endless walking and the deafening laughters we had. I miss them. so much. this does not mean that i found no bestfriend in my HS life but then, what I’m trying to yell now is the pain i have inside right now. the pain of needing. oh gosh.

thirdly, they can not even send a msg to me. or try to communicate with me. what the hell? am i really that insignificant to them? i don’t brag for their attention as what you may think while you’re reading this. but, i sincerely expose my anger and this despair i feel. that’s all.

fourthly, everytime we see each other. they don’t even bother to say hello or wave simply to me. or maybe, they can not even take a glimpse at me. as if, they do not even see me. you know, it’s quite unfair. after all those years we’ve been close friends, just because i transferred to a different school, they’d forget everything? what the heck.

fifthly, i am always the one who annoys them. for them to go near. so we can talk. shet.. and everytime we talk to each other, facing me is like a big burden to them.. they can’t look at my eyes directly. oh my gosh! what is really wrong with them? nothing has changed with me. nothing. that is what i’m telling them, showing them. nothing has changed. but i guess, they did. they did and it’s very unfair. that is not fair.

i need to forget everything and stop hoping that something would change.

merry christmas.

dec. 23, 2008.

8:04pm

naalala ko lang..:)

i'm back to my real self..
ewan ko ba pero parang gusto ko na rin magFilipino sa mga posts ko dito sa blog. wala lang. parang trip lang.. pero, marahil ito rin ay isang paraan upang mas mahasa ang aking sarili na sumulat ng mga lathalain o kung anu-ano pa sa Filipino dahil sa totoo lang nahihirapan na ako. nasanay kasi sa English..ehem..mayabang ba?

naalala ko lang ang buhay bilang bata ko..as in, bata.. doon pa ako sa davao noon. Hindi ung sa davao na kung saan eh kung mgjajaywalking ka ay sa kulungan ang bagsak. sa davao del norte, sa pinakasuluk-sulukang parte nito. marahil ay hindi niyo ito alam..new corella, poblacion, tagum city. basta iyon..
nag-aral ako sa isang primary school lamang pero grade 1 lang. napakabata ko pa non. nagtapos ako sa Day Care nang may honor. ewan ko kung ano ung rank ko noon, wala naman akong paki don eh. nung Grade 1 ako sa paaralang ito, nag-away at naghiwalay ang papa at mama ko. ayoko talaga sa papa ko, kasi sobrang hindi talaga siya mabait. at nakuha ata yon ng kuya ko.. kaya nga, i curse both of them..siguro, kaya nahihirapan akong magkagusto o magtiwala sa isang lalaki dahil na rin sa mga napagdaanan ko sa papa at kuya ko.. dahil sa hiwalayan nina mama ay napilitan akong tumigil sa pag-aaral..ewan ko ba..
by the next year ay nag-aral na ako.tama lang naman ang edad ko kasi maaga akong nagdaycare eh. 1 year younger than the usual.. doon ako nag-aral sa may central school..nainggit kasi ako dahil yung mga kapitbahay ko ay doon nag-aaral..kaya doon nalang din ako.. may sundo ako.papunta at pauwi, binabayaran namin ang tricycle monthly.. piso pa lang ang pamasahe non, kaya isang buwan marahil ay P100 ang binabayad ni mama sa sundo ko.. pero, ang tagal niyang dumating pag uwian na kaya nilalakad ko nalang pauwi ang bahay namin,ang layo rin non ah! kaya siguro halos buto't balat nalang ako noon.. hindi ko kasama ang mama ko non kasi nagtatrabaho siya dito sa Gensan at don ako nakatira sa lola at lolo niya. as in sa kanya.. ang papa ko naman, malay ko ba kung saang lupalop na yun napadpad, wala akong pakialam..
Grade 1: (2nd time) teacher: Maam Bulaquina
singit: may stalker na ako dito..ewan..ang ganda ko pa siguro nitong time na ito..hehe.. ang daming nagkakagusto sa akin.. once nga, may isang guy, kiniss niya ako sa pisngi, sinumbong ko siya sa guro namin at naparusahan ang gago..

masaya naman ang life ko, pag may sayawan, ako agad ang kinukuha nila as leader. active ako masyado sa sayawan dito.. may isang picture pa nga ako non eh, hawak-hawak ko ang isang arko at sobrang bad mood ako, dahil hindi ko memorize ang steps kaya hayun, napahiya ako.. nagpapicture pa ako at kitang-kita sa pic ang galit at pagkabad trip ko..
lahat ng kapitbahay ko, pag nakikita ako, lagi na lamang sinasabing kamukha ko daw ang mama ko..oo na, kamukha ko na.. mama ko eh..at lagi akong kinagigiliwana t kinaiinggitan dahil first honor ako. paborito talaga ako ng teachers ko nun.

Grade 2: Maam Ale
present pa rin ang stalker ko..yun nga lang hindi na siya nag-aaral, pero nakikita ko pa rin siya..yung crush ko rin na matanda, andun pa rin. present pa rin..
nakilala ko si Jomarie..babae yan ha? first honor rin siya nung grade 1.
doon kasi sa amin, walang first sections..lahat equal..hindi basehan ang grades mo, para malaman mo kung anong section ka..kaw ang bahala kung sinong guro ang gusto mo..
may classmate ako non, Kc name..Kathleen Charisse..sosyal! kilala siya sa paaralan dahil ang mama biya ang guro doon..maganda, matangkad, maputi at higit sa lahat mayaman.. pinagtatawanan ko ito siya dati dahil pag kinakausap siya ay sisigaw talaga siya yong tipong pakyut na..at kung magsulat ay linya to linya ang effect.gets niyo? diba pag grade 2,tatlong linya pa ang paper niyan?blue, red at blue. blue to blue yan siya kung magsulat..hehehe..

singit: pangarap ko nung maging majorette..ang ganda kasi tingnan eh..i remember, kukuha ako ng stick taz hala kembot. pangarap ko ring maging gymnast non, alam niyo ung parang stick na may tali sa dulo.. na pag ihampas hampas mo sa ere ay maganda tingnan. basat un, imagie-in niyo na lang..gumagawa ako ng ganun, tali at stick lang..hehe..saka magbali-bali ng katawan..Ü

oo nga pala, si Jomarie.. first namin siya non, 2nd c Kc at 3rd ako.. wow.. ang baba ng rank ko..

Grade 3: Mam Omega
may bago akong crush, wendell ang pangalan.. crush niya ako..MU kami..may isa pa akong kA.MU si Manuelito..

Hindi ko na naging classmate si Jomarie..iba ang section niya non.
may isa akong hindi malilimutang experience sa Grade 3 life ko..
Sa bahay, may nakita akong sandals..high heeled..wow naman..umandar ang pagiging "M" ko.. ignorante..hehe..sinuot ko yun nung Miyerkules, kasi sa amin, Pag wednesday ay pwede magcivilian..suot suot ko yun..feel na feel ko naman..flip pa ng buhok..tapos biglang natisod ako at natanggal ang heels ng sandals ko.. as in yung heels talaga..ang pangit! ginawa ko..tinali ko using rubber bands..ewan!kahiya talaga..sa klase, tinawag ako ni mam para sumagot sa board.. matalino daw ako eh, kaya pumunta ako sa board na suot suot ko ang sandals na may heels na tinali ng rubber band.. sana ay naiimagine niyo..Ü sobrang nakakahiya lalo pa't pinagtawanan ako ng guro namin..

First honor ako ganun din si Jomarie..

Grade 4: Mam Comidoy
Bumalik ang crush ko, pero Grade 3 pa rin..tumigil kasi ba..
May bago akong crush, si Patrick..Kasabay ko parati umuwi..sinabi niya non sa kapatid ko, na crush niya daw ako..bwahaha! kilig to the bones naman ako..san na kaya siya ngayon ano?

classmate ko si Jomarie.. Naisip ko non na dapat patunayan kong mas matalino ako sa kanya, kasi pareho kami first honors kaya dapat mas lamangan ko siya.. ang bata ko pa para maging ganun noh?
pero, bestfriend ko siya. as in..siya ang tinuturing kong tunay na kaibigan noon.. pumupunta ako sa kanila everyday..doon kumakain..haha.. masarap kasi sila magluto kasi mga Ilocano..

Naaalala ko pa, inutusan kami ng guro namin na bumili ng "napkin".. malay ko ba kung ano yun.. sabi nung napagtanungan ko na dumating na daw ang barko ni mam.. buong pagtataka ang nasa isip ko non..ngayon, gets ko na..(haha!)

nakarating ako sa Davao City non, dahil nanalo ako sa isang Science Quiz Bee.. di nga ako makapaniwala eh na matalino pala ako non sa Science kasi ngayon, bobo pa sa pagong ang utak ko basta Science..
At the end of the year, First ako. kaya sobrang saya ko.. matalino pala talaga ako noon..marami ngang pumupuri sa akin noon eh..note: noon..

Napag-alaman kong kukunin kami ni Mama at dadalhin niya kami dito sa Gensan..
Sa sobrang lungkot ko non na iwan ang bestfriend ko.. binigyan ko na lamang siya ng kuwintas..
sabi ko pa nga noon, pag bumalik ako, hahanapin ko yun sa kanya..hay..ang bata ko pa para maging ganoon ka drama.. pero, totoo..may deal kami non..


***ilang taon na ang nakakalipas at hindi ko pa rin siya nakikita..
wala lang..
namimiss ko lang siya.. Sa tuwing pumupunta kasi kami doon sa bukid ay matagal na ang isang araw na pagsstay namin doon..may trabaho kasi si mama dito eh..mahirap daw iwan.. ni wala akong oras na hanapin man lang si Jomarie..hahai..

wala lang.. naalala ko lang..

i'm a little..feeling crazy and confused and whatever....